My last relationship ended much like they all do - I had the graphic realization that I was dating a conniving whore, and things came tumbling down faster than a game of Jenga between two cerebral palsy patients.  For one reason or another, I continually find myself in this situation with every girl I decide to become romantically involved with.  I suppose one reason could be that all females are, indeed, manipulative, heartless, cum buckets.  Bitter, you say?  Me?  Noo, never!  Okay, maybe I’m a little bitter.  But, much like the lime to a stiff shot of tequila, there is a foolproof remedy for the bitterness of a breakup.  Finding yourself a suitable rebound girl/guy is the first step towards keeping your sanity and getting over that filthy, no good ex of yours.  On this particular night, I was the mother fucking Dennis Rodman of rebound girls.

After the usual breakup banter, I stiffened my upper lip and acquired my antidote of choice: a bottle of merlot, which I decided I would singlehandedly finish before sunset and see where the rest of the evening took me.  After popping the cork and mixing a few anonymous narcotics with my vino, I was beginning to get sloppier than a threesome involving Lindsay Lohan, Courtney Love, and an 8-ball of blow.

About three-quarters of the way through my bottle, I took a swig and completely missed my mouth, sending a waterfall of red wine down my neck and onto my crisp white V-neck tee.  Normally, something like this would throw me into a fit of rage, leading to the destruction of home furnishings and possibly ruining my night.  However, when I went into the bathroom to change my shirt, what I discovered was a surefire sign from the Gods.  Looking into the mirror, I saw that my spill had left a stain on my shirt in the shape of a nearly perfect exclamation point.  Intoxicated and excited, I snapped a picture.

...About Commitment.


We all deal with the concept of commitment differently. There are those who avoid commitment at any cost, there are those who are willing to commit to the next person who smiles back, and everything in between.  Regardless of where we fall along this spectrum, what we all want is love, affection, and someone to do something with. Before you next have to consider commitment, just know that there is a secret tool we use in conflict resolution which can help you out; it’s called “Interests vs. Positions.”

Was Humiliating and Helpful...

"So?" he asked me. "Is there anything else you want to say?"

I was bursting with more: that he could thank his manic ex-girlfriend for gnawing off the root of another of his relationships; that he was an absolute coward for not breaking up with me in person; that he would gain great benefits from the use of Crest White Strips. But I bit down hard and said, "No."

"Good. Well then take care."

"WAIT!" I said. "You should know that right this second I'm heading to Facebook to change our relationship status."

2. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

3. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

4. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

5. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!

6. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

7. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

8. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

Great sex is an art and it must me mastered if the littlest of pleasure is to be obtained. So while drunken oblivious sex may sound fun you’ll regret it later and while cool no strings attached thanks for the night uhhh… what’s your name? Is dangerously juicy it too is an art. One night stands are taboo and risky which is why rules need to apply.  So read my small guide on how to have a one night stand then read it again during breakfast, lunch and dinner better yet just carry it with you in your back pocket.

Rule # 1: Don’t really get drunk just pretend you are

This rule is first for a reason. It is the sole culprit behind people having a one night stand in the first place. While you may feel sexy and dangerous and want to teach your Ex a thing or too who really wants to be under the influence of alcohol when there’s a possibility of waking up next to uncle Fester from the Adam’s family. If alcohol helps you feel relaxed and a bit more loose try drinking a cooler at the bar in a cup with a wedge of lemon. When you spot the perfect guy or girl strike a simple conversation and play drunk include a few mumbled sentences and staggers.

Many people with a bachelor's degree often contemplate returning to school for a masters education.  Most assume that a masters degree will guarantee a well-paying job and/or lead to better career opportunities.  Unfortunately, this is not always the case.  In many instances, a graduate degree only guarantees more student loan debt.  Also, the opportunity cost(s) involved in starting a job and getting promoted when you decide not to enter the workforce in order to pursue a graduate degree.

Some employers, in fact, place a higher value on a graduate degree obtained after an individual has entered the workforce and gained "on the job" experience.  There are a few things to consider when evaluating whether graduate school is a good idea.  First, will a specific graduate degree lead to economic prosperity? If not, then you might be better off entering the workforce and not accumulating an additional expense of an education that may not pay its dividends.  Also, how much student debt have you already amassed due to your education? If you leave college with a high loan amount that will be burdensome to pay back, then going back to school to obtain more loans may not be the answer for you.

I Call Him Banana's...


Alright, so our meeting was kind of perfect and straight out of a made for T.V. movie. The practically scripted dialogue had to end there, right? Wrong. From a session of text messages and comfortable phone conversation, I could tell that this was going to be something different. Something I hadn’t experienced in a long time, if ever.

His business card had an email address on it. The following day I sent him an email titled “I promise I will never send you forwards”.

Interruption: This is the first time I have emailed a crush in quite some time. Not only because it brings me back to high school days but also because most men can’t form an intelligible sentence sans typos or the mis-use of “your” and “you’re”. Bad grammar and nothing interesting to say is enough reason to drop you from my contact list.

Thank God for honest friends.  Or maybe thank the Devil for them.  I haven’t decided yet.  Today, I was hit with a harsh dose of reality when a good friend of mine told me that she thinks I’m a whore.  Now, my first reaction was laughter – my supreme defense mechanism.  And then I realized, “Holy shit.  This is what my friends think of me.”

A little bit later, I was Boo-hooing to another friend about not having a girlfriend.  This friend so graciously told me that if I want a girlfriend, I need to change my actions.  “What actions?” I wondered.  But she happily confirmed my first friend’s sentiments by telling me that ever since she’s known me, I’ve been a player.

What I really want is to fall in love – not a one night stand.  But being a single lesbian in New York City doesn’t exactly mean “relationships.”  It means a lot of lost hope, broken hearts, and casual sex.  Welcome to my life. 

But this night in particular, I had a goal.  Usually I look forward to hearty chats with my friends while kicking back drinks at the bar.  But this night was different.  I wanted to hook up with a beautiful woman who could make me melt in an instant.  I was ready to get laid.

As the cost of college education continues to rise, most people require some type of loan to help with tuition.  These student loans may be either private or federally funded.  A common misconception is that all debt can be discharged through bankruptcy.  However, student loan debt must be repaid.  As a student loan borrower, there are several steps you must take in order to avoid problems with your loans.

1.    Know what types of loan(s) you have.  Differentiate your federal from your private loans.

2.    Consolidate your loans.  Federal loan consolidation programs are very similar and generally provide the convenience of providing you with one student loan account for your federal loans.  Private and federal loans cannot be consolidated together.  You may need to find a lender to consolidate your private loans which may be difficult in today’s economy.  You will, in most cases, need a cosigner and good credit.