“Nothing saddens me more than the sight of a full grown man trotting though Victoria Secret while uncomfortably cradling a purple Coach purse.”
The ubiquitous poke, the race to make a Top 10 Friends and the temptation to “innocently” stalk the potential new relationship or the one that has just ended have changed our interactions.
It’s not that I have extremely high standards. I’m just a gal who needs a man who can provide certain things. Those things do not include the desire to round-house him in the neck.
You meet someone special and fall in love. Soon enough you meet the fam and realize that your new sig other is awesome for a reason, just look at what they come from! Next thing…
My last relationship ended much like they all do – I had the graphic realization that I was dating a conniving whore, and things came tumbling down faster than a game of Jenga between two cerebral palsy patients.
…So what’s one to do when most of them have 4-letters?
You have been broken up for a month now. It’s time. “Oh, no! Not yet. You have half the length of your relationship to mourn the loss of that relationship”—ERRR, wrong!
“Last night we made direct eye contact across the room, she gently slid her tongue over the lightly shimmering lip gloss, and then seductively bit her bottom lip…”
I learned at a very young age not to ask questions that you really don’t want to know the answers to. Technology today allows for more nosiness than ever, but just because they invented spywear doesn’t make it ok for you to brand yourself the next Sherlock F–king Holmes.
ALERT ALERT: World’s most boring couple has world’s most boring break up. Obviously, Blake did not check off the automatic renewal box on this contract. End. Of. Story.
What I really want is to fall in love – not a one night stand. But being a single lesbian in New York City doesn’t exactly mean “relationships.” It means a lot of lost hope, broken hearts, and casual sex. Welcome to my life.