It’s Hard Work Staying Single

Written by brokeupboy. Posted in Sex

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Published on April 15, 2010 with No Comments

Staying SingleI’m not sure I’ll ever really understand the male persuasion. As a pretty good looking, busty, video game playing, bar hopping and cocky chick, I get a good number of men talking to me. Did I mention the tattoos, piercings and cool punk rock hair? So I’m pretty much rolling in men who are incredibly interested in sleeping with me. With that in mind, I have a fair amount of sex on daily to semi daily basis and it’s great (for the most part) but here’s the biggest catch. This group of men who don’t get it when I say “I’m not interested in settling down. I don’t want a boyfriend. I’m not ready to commit to anyone right now”, and then a few weeks or months down the line of us being friends with benefits or f*ck buddies, I get asked to be his girl and I have to tell them that not only am I not interested in settling, but I have to be the mean girl to remind them that I’m also fooling around with several other men.

For those of you thinking about only doing casual dating or casual sex, take a moment and access your mental state. I understand that sex causes a lot of emotional ties for people and I don’t know anyone who can live like I live and have sex like I do, and then go about my business and not talk to the guy until next Wednesday when we do it again. You’ve got to separate yourself from the person and focus wholly on the action. Now before I get attacked for my cavalier attitudes about sex, yes sex and love is pretty awesome and I’ve been in that kind of relationship, but sex for the sake of sex and satisfaction and feeling good? Yeah, that’s pretty awesome too.

The reason this comes to mind is that since my September conscious decision to quit being someone’s girlfriend I’ve met quite a few who fall into this category and yet again, a few days ago another f*ck buddy fell into that category. He’s been my Mr.Wonderful for awhile now. It started in January. I’d met him on Myspace and he didn’t give me any creepy vibes so I was willing to chat with him. He was barely taller than me at 5’9, with a goofy smile and he’s been pretty great to me. We talk all the time and even though we don’t see each other as much anymore, I do still think he’s a great guy. However as of late he’s just been crossing that line with me. Sending me text messages telling me he thinks that we should be together, and that if I’d only give him a chance we could be an amazing couple.

I said that I would visit him soon knowing full well that if we are alone again, we will shift from joking and laughing to ripping clothes off of each other in 2.5 seconds.

The pressure from him is pretty intense and over the past month or so I thought that I could be moving towards a relationship, but as soon as those messages started… my heart locked up. It was this intense feeling of anxiety and worry. We’re 8 years apart in age, and he’s very interested in settling down while I’ve just come into my party girl age. I go out every single Thursday, Friday and Saturday night.  He knows that I’m single and a free agent, but he doesn’t know the full extent of my sexual explorations or even my number of sexual partners.

We are both incredibly sexually attracted to each other. I said that I would visit him soon knowing full well that if we are alone again, we will shift from joking and laughing to ripping clothes off of each other in 2.5 seconds. What’s the worse thing about this whole thing is that I do like him. He would be the perfect boyfriend if I was ready to stop living such a selfish life. I don’t think it’s bad to be as selfish as I have been, I enjoy living for me. I enjoy my now large black book of numbers and friends with benefits and casual partners. I enjoy being able to get a few different numbers at the bars I go to, or not having to answer to anyone but myself, but that selfishness doesn’t allow for people to get too close.

I know I’m making a bad decision going through staying with him for an entire weekend. I know that I am careening towards and incredibly bad situation where I may lose a potential partner and a good friend, but I can’t stop it. This is just like me, I never let things sit, I pursue it until it either works out or blows up in my face. We’ll see how it goes this weekend, and whether this goes well or goes up in flames.

About brokeupboy

When no one else wants to take responsibility... I said it. Follow me on Twitter for more ramblings on living the single life. @BrokeUp

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